Companies love misery

 “Misery loves company” We’ve all heard that phrase before, and we have all discovered that it is a real fact. Well, what happens when your company loves the source of misery? When it comes to a workplace bully, they are often people emboldened by their status at the company. Usually, these people have a long-standing reputation for their longevity with the company and their willingness to do a hundred jobs for one position. It can be said that they are often star employees who want to keep their A-list status, though it doesn't even exist. Realistically these are underpaid workaholics who are most likely unhappy in their personal lives and that is why work is where they go to be showered with admiration. When it comes to a workplace bully, you might feel helpless and oftentimes reporting them to hire ups can only make it seem like you’re the problem. 

After quitting my job at the bank to find something less stressful with higher pay, I stumbled upon what I felt like was a godsend opportunity. I was working at a company with all the bells and whistles; I had my desk, I wasn’t dealing with nonstop customers, and the pay and benefits were awesome! During the interview, I wasn’t alarmed by them questioning my ability to work well with others, and how I handle confrontation. Like I mentioned before, I worked at a very busy bank so I was no stranger to agitated customers and downright nasty Karens! 

I was trained for three days by a very polite manager, did I mention the manager was offsite? Sharing an office with only one other person? HALLELUJAH. After a few years of being watched like a hawk by managers at the bank and surrounded by coworkers, I was so relieved for this next chapter of my life and I thought what could go wrong? 

As soon as my manager boarded the plane back to their headquarters, my coworkers had already started breathing their fiery dragon breath! It was an instant shift in their demeanor as I asked for more guidance from them and they snapped. At first, I took it very lightly, alerting my friends who had asked me about my new job. I had raving reviews about how easygoing my day was but I mentioned I was a little frightened by my coworker. They stood behind me and forcefully yelled commands and took long angry pauses to regain their composure. Things just kept escalating from them putting tape over the bathroom lights so I don’t turn them off, shouting at me for not clearing the microwave, and making snarky comments about my comprehension skills. 

Exactly sixteen days into the job, I was brought to tears when this coworker called me from home and shouted at me over the phone. I called my manager in tears and told her I didn't think I could continue working here. I mean who would? Any reasonable person would tell you to quit that job immediately. In all honesty, I didn't even want to press my luck in the job field at that moment. I had just got a new apartment, been unemployed for a month and I got lucky to get this job three days after resigning from the bank. 

I didn't think it was odd when I found out how many people had worked here before me, for short spouts of time. I didn't think it was a big deal that at one point everyone had quit because of this person. Matter of fact, when my manager was leaving she sternly reminded me that she was my manager and if anything happened please contact her and that didn't even give me pause. 

I thought that remaining my cool and easy going self would really change this coworker's behavior. I would thank them any time that they helped me and I would even boast about their knowledge to customers. I even gave them a gift card to say thanks for helping me, and this did not change their behavior. 

Soon I found myself on the phone with HR, after the work bully threw themselves back in their work chair and shouted my name from a red face! I thought that this coworker was having a health scare and I was immediately startled that they were actually extremely angry with me. Without giving you too much information about my job, I can tell you it's nothing like working at the bank; everything is fixable. Might I mention I also worked in the medical field, so this job is not somewhere a mistake could end a life. I was absolutely fed up with this person and I reached out to HR with all of the documentation I had taken. They gave the work bully a little slap on the wrist and for a moment the work bully seemed to be realizing the error of their ways. 

After HR died down, they went right back to their ways and I realized that they just had no self control. This person is a bully to their core to the point they can not even help themselves. I felt really helpless and going into work would send my anxiety through the roof! Until I finally took my power back. 

Here are five easy steps you can take to get a work bully off your back: 

Try the “Grey Rock” technique this is often used by people who are in abusive situations. When you think of a grey rock, you probably think; boring, emotionless and plain. This is exactly what you are going to be, because abusive people usually strive off of reaction and once you stop giving them one, you become a total bore. This way you can still be professional on your end and avoid stooping to the bully’s level. At the end of the day work isn't about making friends and the purpose is to get a job done. I no longer make small talk with my work bully because I know that abusers often try to get your guard down by being nice to you. 

• Keep your communication short and sweet, while it is ok to say goodmorning or bye. There is really no need to conversate with this person about your personal life. Even if it’s something as simple as: “How is your day?” Just say good and thank you. Keeping conversation short and terse. 

• If the work bully tries to escalate by pointing out your wrong doings say “thank you for letting me know”. My work bully would double check my work for faults and find the smallest mistakes, sometimes they were not even mistakes and I would thank them for the information with no ill-tone. 

Soon your work bully will see that you are not triggered by their foul behavior and they will grow bored of harassing you. If not, who cares? Trust me, not reacting to a bully is worse than reacting. 

Document Everything: Keep documentation of every single time this coworker tries to bully you for your personal files and via email as well. 

Keep your manager in the loop Whenever my coworker would try to antagonize me or be my boss, I would let my boss know. Some people may refer to this as “dry snitching” and it is very ok to do so. You only owe loyalty to your customers and your company, so if you need to email your manager about the issues between you and your coworker do it! You want to make sure that it is clearly a one-sided dispute. DO NOT EVER RESPOND TO A WORK BULLY unprofessionally. If you decide to tell your work bully off one day, then it will easily become an equal on both sides. My work bully had control of turning in lists for our shared office supplies, and when I asked for a few item they denied my necessities. I didn’t argue with them about including my supplies on the list, I just simply contacted my manager to ask if she could get my items. 

• Never point the finger at your work bully because you do not want to seem like someone who can not handle adversity. Your manager can use their critical thinking to conclude that you are being mistreated. 

Network with others: Build a rapport and strong relationship with other coworkers and customers, this will help you feel supported at your job. You can then rely on these people to help you learn everything you need to learn. 

Rely on your own knowledge: By learning as much as possible about your job, you can ensure that you are doing your job accurately, will not depend on your coworker for help and you can become an asset to the company. Secure your job because these people want you to quit or get fired. 

I hope that this article is helpful and you can find some hope while working with a bully.